Early Resolution

A month since my last post--a MONTH! One way to ensure a fading following--do nothing, right?

A memorable month sans post:
a(nother) birthday, an anniversary (24 & counting), a demotion in the workplace (not to be confused with a demolition still in progress--offering 'end-of-life care' to exiting positions/people & crisis intervention upon request or as witnessed), a great Thanksgiving, Cassie's first groomer visit, some of the coldest weather for this little island paradise, and not enough daily discipline on my part to keep all of the balls in the air at once.

I'm taking lessons from many bloggers extroidinaire--but most especially Joe: wow! Every day & such a treat to read. We could all do as well...
So--I begin again. As the month of 'lasts' continues (many 'last' meetings, last hand-offs, last of the year, etc.), I'm commited to not just starting--but continuing, finishing, sticking with it. Small bites. So here's to some 'firsts'--and some 'stills' as life continues on.

Congratulations due to all of the end-of-term folks--you hung in there! Great job!! (Loud applause with hats off!) Take a bow: Joe, Devin, Nick, Zack, Ted--Mike & Lynn, too! Let the holiday breaks begin!
Cheers!

Your Daily Dose

In case you need a momentary break away, here are two blogs I like to visit periodically:

http://jerryandmartha.com/yourdailyart/ for your daily art &

http://www.duanekeiser.blogspot.com/ a painting a day

Not something I like each time--but it's a peaceful respite often, and on good days cause for innovation. I always learn something, too.

The Working Wall

(This was really the topic for the last post when I got off on my rant & rave about work!)
Creating is very much a process for me. Even though I have a fairly good image in 'my mind's eye' for any project, going from the ideal to the real is mostly an evolution. I'm always impressed by my friends & colleagues who have an entire project (sometimes a very complex and/or original one) planned down to every detail before actually starting the project beyond the paper. In that respect they also know exactly the resources they will need. There are aspects of that I envy but I really don't enjoy working that way.

I most often start with an image in my head that's been rumbling around for awhile & is not well thought out with an execution plan. Where the image comes from initally can vary greatly--and people often ask me that exact quesiton: where did you come up with that idea? (please note that where you put the emphasis in that sentence can remarkably change the message!) Good or bad--the initial idea never seems to be my limitation; get the can opener & look inside. There are a million in there waiting to jump out ("me next..."). It can be a composite of other art pieces I've seen, an amazingly lucky or exciting combination of color & texture that I want to experiment with, a message or 'statement' that I want to convey, a new technique that I want to master, whatever.

The true beauty in having the idea begin to come alive is that it does, in fact, come to life--at least for me. Compared to those that have the whole project plotted, drawn & measured out, I have a very loose drawing--sometimes only a few sketched lines to remind me of the idea--and then I just start. As the project begins to unfold & begin it's life, it begins to transform the original idea--taking you deeper into the possibilities & challenges with each step & decision along the way. Your initial impulse is to fight the new waves of ideas & possibilities ('that wasn't how I was thinking it would be'). But I'm finding that each time now I'm better prepared for the journey into & back out of a project: stay open to the options, don't be so restricted to the original 'picture' in my mind, listen to what is unfolding--not what was. In the end, the project is ALWAYS better for the variation & change that occurs if I stay open to it. It becomes something stronger than I ever envisioned & before I truly engaged in the process. ("yes, Grasshopper, your reed grows stronger when it bends in the wind rather than fighting to stand straight!")

The only way this 'loosen up and go with the flow' approach works is to have a way to watch your work unfold--a place you can come & go. Get some distance, get right into it. Take a break, have 'new eyes'. See what happens in daylight & dark. There are many changes, modifications, better ideas that float in along the way. There is a lot of musing involved. Others perceive that as idle staring or spacing out! I think of it more as a meditation or immersion. It also helps to have some faith in yourself to pull it all together in the end; will my technical skills fall short of my imagination? Can happen. That's part of the musing: OK--how do I get myself out of this one? There must be a finish--not just the beginning. That, then, is the 'working wall'--the harbinger of what is yet to be, as well as the reflection of what has already come to pass. I'll share glimpses of my current working walls from time to time. . . like these two today.

The Wailing Wall

Apologies for the gap in communication.
This has been a pretty stressful couple of weeks--reorg is in the air once again in my 'other' work world. I've been waiting since summer so not a surprise, but the extent of 'laying waste' with poor planning & bumbling execution has been particularly stunning this time. Not so concerned about myself--since 2002 I've truly internalized what being an 'at will' employee means. Maybe it's my death & dying background ('be ready anytime'). But the painfilled & senseless hack and slash for others I care alot about has been unexpected & sorrowful.
As yet, I've not heard or seen the rationale for this go-round: it most definitely is not a cost savings (supposedly responsible for at least 2 previous reorg's). From where I sit at the moment, it is more likely the dark-side creep which has been evident since 2001. Momentum has been increasing & this Princess Leah is predicting 2008 as the year of the final showdown--it will either move very quickly on the current path, or a course correction will begin. I'm making no bets as to which scenario prevails.
As with any poorly thought out & lamely executed change, the dust is far from settled; I've personally seen 5-6 draft org charts--certainly more that I've not been privy to. Hard to say where it all will go, but the end result will most certainly be a direction that I have increasing difficulty supporting. So on a personal level, it is with some relief that I find myself buried deeper into the org chart than I was 15 years ago, and with a (comfortably familiar) title that I've not had for 11 years. I have some close colleagues that are so valuable to the organization that have not known from day-to-day this week if they're 'here' or not, as their name keeps disappearing & reappearing in the schematic de jour. Great way to encourage people to continue giving their all.
I'm most definitely content to be as distant from this cluster-$%*@ as possible. Mostly using what little leverage I have left to advocate for others less able to speak for themselves (as well as being the heretic I've always been known to be--speaking the truth when others dare not). It's all so needlessly energy consuming, and a little like a near death experience: keep finding myself observing the fracus from a fairly unemotional, objective distance--I'm sure because I began disengaging in 2002 a little at a time, as I have grieved over each consecutive 'grave' of lost co-workers.
So stay tuned. For the moment, I'm still on the bus--with a significant decrease in responsibilities (can we all say 'more time!') I think because so far they don't quite know what else to do with me--or I with them. It's been a lucky coincidence that I had preplanned a 4 day wkend last week and a 3-day wkend this week--you can only handle so much day-time drama (it gets toxic). You can check the voicemail when you're ready for the next wave or leave it be. For now, back to the work of this blog...that's the extent of my keening; sorry for the divergence.

Creationism--the OTHER kind

Webster says to be creative is to be inventive or imaginative; to create is to 'bring into being'. (Not unlike a new post...)
Yesterday I visited my local quilt shop--the owner is a good friend of mine, but I hadn't been in for some time. Good to visit & catch up. She & I had been part of an ongoing 'stretching' group--it renews every 6 months, meets monthly, and requires a new project (ala product) every month based on the assignment. I 'sat out' this current 6 months (started in July & things just seemed so chaotic right about then) but I do appreciate two main things from the group: the challenge of 'thinking outside the box' & not only creating something, but creating something based on someone else's assignment; and the other being the demand on timely production (we do remember the previous concept of procrastination, right?). Every four weeks the project needed to be finished--not just a glimmer in your head--& did I mention the group seems to be populated with several type A's?
I was surprised & pleased to hear my friend had continued with the group & we talked alot more about her roadblock which is the creativity part--mine, of course, being time. Her comments all along have been that "I can copy anything, I just can't think anything up" When she renewed this 6 month session, she asked the instructor to help her with that: "give me books, resources, etc."
Turns out that for her that's been very helpful; she's 'read 2 books backwards & forwards' on design elements, color, etc. Then she showed me her project she'll be turning in this month--and it was great! She was so proud of it--and her confidence has been bolstered greatly.
So I've been contemplating the issue of creativity since then. Personally, I've erred more on the side of the argument that creativity is more like intuition: either you have it or you don't. I've often been puzzled by people's reactions to things I've created: 'how did you come up with that?' 'I would never combine those elements but it works for you!', etc. (implying, of course, that 'you started with something I thought was ugly but now it's not so bad!') In my head I'm often thinking that creating is not hard--you just 'see' the end result & figure out the steps to get there; and have the time to complete them.
Now I've been reflecting that I've also been fortunate to have had formal art instruction from a very young age (having ensured that all the way through high school & college electives included art classes stashed in between the hard sciences--never instead of, mind you, only in addition to). So maybe creativity is, in the end, more of a learned process than I've given credit for and I've underestimated the impact that all of the art teachers I've had over many years have had on me. I'll keep ruminating on that, and any comments would be most welcome.
Meanwhile, I think I'll be 'rejoining' the group at the next 6 month cycle--and also paying homage to those instructors I've had the privilege of working with...

Procrastination--to put off or defer

Okay, okay...I've been poised on the brink of how to start: what's the first, most important thing to say?!

But (thank you, Joe!) I've been 'outed' so I must stop messing around and START. I think in the end that's the hardest part, at least for me. Procrastination can attain a level near that of art form for truly experienced people (such as myself)--I can find all kinds of things that need to be accomplished before _____ (fill in the blank with any goal, milestone, assignment, etc. large or small). The greater or more significant the task, the greater number of things to be accomplished in the 'before' phase! Starting a blog--changing careers--planning a trip, you name it! Procrastination, interestingly enough in my dictionary, comes just ahead of procreate...

And so, then, it's begun. Hopefully it will be easier after this (and truly, thanks Joe!)

Observations of the week:
Steven Colbert for President...should add to the year's entertainment; stay tuned.
Michael Clayton was well worth the box office price (thank you, Devin!)
Robot Sex was an interesting thought for the week (thank you, Nick!)