So Many Books, So Little Time

I'm just now reaching a place that I can start articulating the 'leaving my job' phenomena. I think it just takes time, but by definition the process has you in the middle of it--or you are in the middle of processing--so any ability to be objective or find insight, is limited at best. I've just passed three months since I've stepped away from the desk. I have been guilty of helping with some small projects, answering questions, hearing out some problems, but for the most part I am no longer of that world.

I'm not going to dwell on it, but I am starting to talk about it a little. Here are some beginning observations:

Except for two occasions (plus one vacation to California) I have not been out of jeans in three months. That may not sound like much, but it is to me. It's so great not needing to linger in the closet, bleary-eyed at o'dark thirty, wondering what magical wardrobe combination will suffice today. It's so simple.

I'm gaining on the vice scorecard; not perfect, but better.

I think that has helped contribute to the the next item: actually sleeping with some success. Not working has certainly impacted sleep--and I've had several of the silent conversations with self asking "is it good that you're sleeping more? and more soundly? maybe it's really because you're depressed? do you feel depressed?" You get the idea...jury is still out on the sleep factor (plus I must confess I think it's just a waste to sleep more than six hours).

I am once again in love with reading. Truly. I had a major reading injury occur when I entered grad school in 1980 & can't honestly say I ever recovered--until now. Don't get me wrong: I've read forest's worth of material in thirty years, but it was mostly work-related. Pleasure reading had become primarily an anecdote for insomnia (that does work!). But increasingly I feel like I'm devouring things.

Plus--perfect timing--the newly remodeled/expanded (beautiful!) library in town reopened about six weeks ago. It is a dream. My new candy store. I can order anything I want on line--and it just appears on a shelf waiting for me. I can check in/check out without needing to talk to a soul unless I want to. I can just wander & peruse--and bring home anything I want! I feel like I did in third grade when my friend Jeanine & I were like caterpillars eating our way through the neighborhood library. It was a race. It was miraculous. It's addicting! (but the jury wanders into this arena, too, from time to time: "You know, you're spending an awful lot of time reading! Add the reading time to the sleep time & you may have a time wasting problem!") I've taken some tips from friends that use library sites--and I added my list to the blog, just for fun.

For now, I'm working on giving myself permission to just 'be' for awhile--and hold back on any criticism or judgement as best I can. It's only three months. I don't think I've been damaged too much so far.

More about refocusing life some other time. I think I need to get started on that book....